Knock, KnockI'm Not Gay
by destinedfilmmaker
Summary: After being knocked out by a door, Jack believes he is now hetero and falls madly in love with Grace. Will he remember his old ways before something naughty happens. Read and find out.


Will & Grace  
  
"KNOCK, KNOCK: I'M NOT GAY" By. Christian D. Davis  
  
Fade In. Grace is drinking coffee at her office while Jack and will come through with boxes of papers.  
  
Will. Grace I want to thank you for letting me leave my case papers here while my carpet in my office be redone.  
  
Grace. Anytime, (Will walks out the door when jack drops the box and the door shuts.)  
  
Jack. Does Will really think that I'm going to carry those heavy boxes down those stairs.  
  
Grace. Heavy. (She comes over and lifts his box up. Then she puts it back down and laughs.)  
  
Jack. Are you mocking me?  
  
Grace. No, it's just we all know you're a wimp Jack.  
  
Jack. Tarnish the thought, you evil hetero. I am very buff, watch. (He lifts the box grunting very hard he turns around and smiles at her. Then Will opens the door and knocks jack out, he comes in and quickly runs over to Jack and lifts him up, he slaps his cheek.)  
  
Will. Jack, wake up. (Jack moans. Then you show Grace from his view, he opens his eyes and then there's a red heart around Grace.) Jack, are you o-k? (Jack gets up and rubs his head.)  
  
Jack Yea, man. (He says in a deep and normal voice.)  
  
Will. Are you sure your o-k? (Then it cuts to opening credits.)  
  
Fade in2. Grace's office. Will comes out of the back room, as Grace is sitting at her desk on the computer.  
  
Will. Well, that's all.  
  
Grace. Good, But um, there's just one little thing, Will. I think that hit on his head did something to him; he's acting well, like a man and keeps hitting on me.  
  
Will. I don't think so. (Jack comes in.) Jack, Grace here seems to think that that little bump on your head made you forget that you were ah, gay.  
  
Jack. Well, that's stupid, Grace. I know I'm happy but you won't be, William, I saw a policeman down at your car.  
  
Will. Oh no, will you two excuse me. (He leaves out the door quickly.)  
  
Jack. Grace, I was wondering.  
  
Grace. What time it is?  
  
Jack. Nope. I was wondering what is your favorite season?  
  
Grace. Oh, well it's summer but right before fall.  
  
Jack. Why?  
  
Grace. Well, the air at the beach is warm but the palms on the palm tree fall off and the sunrises and sunset seem to be longer but more beautiful.  
  
Jack. Good reason. Hey, I was wondering would you like to go on a date with me?  
  
Grace. A date.is this a joke? You're well gay.  
  
Jack. Gay. (He thinks for a moment.) Oh gay. I assure I'm not gay.  
  
Grace. Yes, you are. Remember, (she imitates his Just Jack thing.) just jack.  
  
Jack. I don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about. And I'm not gay.  
  
Grace. Yes, you are.  
  
Jack. I'm not and I'll prove it.  
  
Grace. How? (He pulls her close and kisses her in a dip position. Then Karen and Will come in and drop their lips. Then you cut to Karen and Grace in an office sitting.)  
  
Karen. So, he was hit in the head and has forgotten he's gay.  
  
Grace. Yea.  
  
Karen. And somehow he's has a thang for you and that were the kiss become involved.  
  
Grace. Yea.  
  
Karen. Did you like it?  
  
Grace. Well, I'm not going to tell you.  
  
Karen. So you didn't like it?  
  
Grace. I didn't say that.  
  
Karen. So you did like it?  
  
Grace. No, didn't say that.  
  
Karen. So you didn't like it.  
  
Grace. Not answering.  
  
Karen. So you did.  
  
Grace. O-k, o-k. Yes, I didn't like it. I loved it; he's really good for being a gay man.  
  
Karen. That's my boy toy. (Then Jack and Will come out of the doctor's office as Karen and Grace come over.)  
  
Karen. So what did the doc diagnosis?  
  
Will. He says that, Jack is suffering from amnesia and it will come back to him soon but until that time. We must go along with everything he does.  
  
Grace. Will it last long?  
  
Will. The doctor said gives it a week. But we must go along with Jack's decisions as his new self.  
  
Jack. Sounds pretty good to me, but that is only if you, Grace go out with me tonight.-  
  
Grace. Sure. (Will looks at her weird.) Hey I'm just helping Jack out.  
  
Karen. Nice save. (Then you show Will sitting on a couch when there is a knock at the door. Will comes over and opens it, it's Jack in a light blue tank top with a white long sleeved dress shirt on and surfer style guy capris and a cap. He comes in and Will looks at him strange.)  
  
Will. What an interesting taste in style.  
  
Jack. I know.  
  
Will. Hey, Grace. Jack's here. (Then Grace comes in with a summer outfit.)  
  
Jack. You look beautiful.  
  
Will. Thanks. My pants are new.  
  
Jack. I meant, Grace. Well shall we...  
  
Will. We shall (Grace looks at Will weird as they all walk towards the door. Then Jack opens the door and blocks Will.) Sorry. (Then you cut to a closed club with a stage, it's dark.)  
  
Grace. Why are we here, Jack?  
  
Jack. Because I thought to myself, you want to impress a girl on the first date, what do you do?  
  
Grace. I don't know, what?  
  
Jack. Well, you want her to remember it. You want her to find it adorably romantic. (He turns her around gentle.) You want to make her feel very special for at least an hour. (He puts his arms around her waist and lays his chin on her shoulder.) And have her home before her bedtime. (He kisses her neck softly.) And especially give her what she loves. (Then he claps and a man turns the disco ball on. The stage walls look like they have stars on them. She looks down and sees a sand box with a blow up palm tree and a small children pool of water.)  
  
Grace. Ah, Jack. This is so sweet.  
  
Jack. Not yet. (He escort her over to the stage and sits her down and sit beside her. He then gets basket of food and brings it over and takes out two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. He opens it and pours it in both glasses.)  
  
Grace. So is this it?  
  
Jack. Not yet. (He claps again and a man and another man with a fiddle come over to them.) I want you to take something away from this date, a little song, I love. From now on every time I hear the song I'll think of you. (Then fiddler begins to play "Anywhere I Wonder" as the other gentle man sings it.)  
  
Singer. Her arms were warm As they welcomed me Her eyes were Fire bride And then I knew That my path must be Through the ever haunted night  
  
For anywhere I wonder Anywhere I roam Till I'm in the arms of my darling again My heart will find no home Anywhere I wonder Anywhere I roam  
  
(Music plays chorus)  
  
Anywhere I wonder Anywhere I roam  
  
Jack. See, Grace anywhere I go, my heart will never find a home until I'm with you.  
  
Grace. Jack, this is one of the most imaginative and romantic dates I've ever been on. But I know that everything you've said and done is just a beautiful fairy tale because when you get your thoughts back, you'll be Jack the flagrantly homosexual.  
  
Jack. Maybe but maybe not. Maybe I have always felt feelings like these for you.  
  
Grace. I'm pretty sure; you'd never felt like this towards me before.  
  
Jack. No, Now I do remember some things. (He moves back and lays against a stage wall and taps his thighs hinting for Grace to come lay on him. She comes and lays on his chest he hugs her.) Grace, remember when we got trapped in the basement of that church because you I think, were hiding.  
  
Grace. Yea, when I almost married Richard. Jack. I believe we got in a fight over whose fault it was for getting into a fight. I think.there was tension and we kissed. And you were drunk and so was I, so we blamed the kiss on that we were heavily drunk.  
  
Grace. Your starting remember aren't you?  
  
Jack. No. I just remember that and that I really really liked that kiss, and I though maybe I had feelings for you. But I was too late you were with Will and I guess that hit on the head knocked those feelings back into me. Because when I saw you when I woke up, all this love for you came raging in my head. I wanted to jump your sexy bones right then and there.  
  
Grace. (Grace lifts up off Jack really quickly and looks at him.) Jack, maybe you need to take a cold swim. (He kisses her.) Or maybe I do. (Then you cut to Will, Karen and Robert one of Jack's old boyfriends sitting on a couch in Will's apartment.)  
  
Will. O-k. Now the doctor said that if Jack hasn't change by then to have an intervention and remind him. (Karen adjusts her boobs.)  
  
Karen. Oh, Kerry and Sherry will remind him.  
  
Robert. I doubt that (He adjust his pecks.) Bob and Larry will. (Then Jack comes in giving Grace a piggy back ride.)  
  
Will. So this is the third time this week, where were this time? (As Jack sit her down.)  
  
Grace. We went surfing.  
  
Will. You went to the beach in the middle of winter.  
  
Grace. No, we went surfing at that new virtual world game place. But I fell off my board and hit a rock and my boo, saved me, right boo. (She kisses Jack on the cheek. He smiles and moves her hair behind her ears.)  
  
Will. Boo?  
  
Jack. It's the new street lango for boyfriend, dude where have you been? Laying your twenty twenties on the computer screen for the man.  
  
Will. I take it you too went somewhere diverse.  
  
Grace. If you call a live taping of The Ananda Lewis Show: diverse, it was a show called "My father thinks I'm acting too black: crossing the color lines."  
  
Robert. You know that Ananda Lewis really cares. (He says fanning his eyes as if tears were in them.)  
  
Grace. So what is this?  
  
Jack. An intervention for Jack, the doctor says that it's time we remind him of his past.  
  
Karen. I want to start first, (She comes up to Jack.) Jack, remember Sherry and Kerry (She lift her boobs in Jack's face.)  
  
Jack. Actually no.  
  
Robert. That's because you remember Bob and Larry. (Then Robert comes up to him and opens his shirt and rubs his pecks.)  
  
Jack. No. And get a room.  
  
Will. Well, I have thought long and hard about my intervention and I have the one thing that will bring your memory back. Since I've known Jack my whole life, he's never been unable to impulsively answer a Madonna question. So I'm going to give him a question. What other famous television show did the boy toy from Madonna's video "Say Goodbye" stare in? (Jack thinks for a minute then gives a blank stare.)  
  
Jack. I'm so sorry, I don't know. My head hurts.  
  
Grace. Then I guess that's enough intervention, everyone let's go. (Then Karen and Robert get up.)  
  
Karen. I told you, he would like mine better.  
  
Robert. No way, girl friend. (They open the door and leave as Will grabs his suit coat and walks to the door.)  
  
Jack. Grace, dear, why don't you get dress for our dinner date?  
  
Grace. Good idea. (She walks in the back door and shuts it as soon as it shuts, Jack turns around towards Will.)  
  
Jack. It's ER.  
  
Will. I knew it.  
  
Jack. How?  
  
Will. You put Grace's hair behind her ear. You're the only one who thinks when she does that she looks like a fish and you're the only one who does that to her. So when did it happen?  
  
Jack. Yesterday. We went by Joseph.  
  
Will. The cute sexy doorman in front of Gucci.  
  
Jack. Yes, but by accident he hit me with the door and bam I'm just jack. I guess getting hit knocked it on and off.  
  
Will. So why did you lie to everyone else including Grace.  
  
Jack. It's funny and plus it's been a long time since I've been in a hetero relationship.  
  
Will. No it's not funny.well maybe it is. But Grace is taking this seriously; I think she has a thing for you.  
  
Jack. Really?  
  
Will. Yes. I think she even wants to go to third base with you.  
  
Jack. Third base, all shucks.  
  
Will. That's why, you've got to tell her now that your not guy Jack but "Just Jack."  
  
Jack. I will. (Then Grace comes in wearing a beautiful green dress. Will sees her and Jack turns around and drops his bottom lip.)  
  
Will. Wow Grace you look-  
  
Jack. Beautiful.  
  
Will. Excuse us, Grace. I want to talk to boo boo outside. (He grabs Jack and they go out the door.) You're in deep trouble, that dress was definitely a third base dress and your gay.  
  
Jack. (Jack comes over by Will and gets in a runners start position and then he runs head first into the wall on the other side.) O-k, that did not help, it just broke my nose. (Then you show candles on a table for two at Grace's apartment. When there is a knock at the door. Grace comes out still in the dress and she opens the door and Jack with a band aid on his nose.)  
  
Grace. Hello, Jack.  
  
Jack. Grace.  
  
Grace. How's your nose?  
  
Jack. The doctor said it was going to be fine.  
  
Grace. That's good. I made us dinner, but I was actually hoping you weren't hungry.  
  
Jack. I'm not. Grace, I have something to tell you.  
  
Grace. Me too, Jack.  
  
Jack. Well then ladies first.  
  
Grace. Jack, I was first apprehensive about this dating you because I had to remember you were gay. But in the last past days I've become so relaxed around you. You're a really sweet hetero when you're not acting well gay. Tonight I wanted to go out to dinner and then come back here and make love to you. Then I realized this whole week was about urges, your urge to pursue a feeling of what if we got together and for myself the same because I wondered too. So now I'm telling you Jack, I love you now make love to me.  
  
Jack. You what?  
  
Grace. I love you So tonight I want you to relieve any urges we may have for each other and after that well will go on from there. (She stands up and takes Jack's hand and like a child takes him into the backroom. Then you cut to Grace outside in a robe drinking coffee and smiling when there's a knock at the door. She comes to the door and looks through the peephole and opens it. Will comes in with chocolates in a box.)  
  
Will. So how are we? Are we taking it o-k? Because you know, I hate Jack. Look, I know he fooled everyone that he was still heterosexual but we have to be happy that he's o-k again. (She looks at Will angrily)  
  
Grace. Jack's gay again?  
  
Will. Yea, didn't he tell you? That's why you're angry today. (Then Jack comes out of her bedroom in his black pants on from the day before.)  
  
Grace. You jerk, you pompous. You let us do what we did and you were gay all along. (She comes toward Jack.)  
  
Jack. Grace, I was going to.  
  
Grace. Get out and get out now. (Jack backs up towards the door. Grace looks at Will.)  
  
Will. You didn't tell her, Jack.  
  
Grace. Don't get mad at him, I'm angry with you too.  
  
Will. Why?  
  
Grace. Because you're my friend and you know Jack and you should've told me. Both of you get out. (She walks over to the door and opens it.) You two out. (Jack walks pass Grace.)  
  
Jack. Grace, I'm-  
  
Grace. Out. (He leaves out as Will passes her. She stops him and grabs the box of chocolates then she pushes him out the door and shuts it. Then you show Karen in the office with Grace.)  
  
Karen. Aren't you going to answer his voice mails and emails?  
  
Grace. No, I never want to speak to him. Anyway, Karen where is the Robinson's living room outline?  
  
Karen. In the storage room.  
  
Grace. Why?  
  
Karen. I don't know. (Then she goes in the backroom, Karen walks behind her and checks where she's going when she runs over to the door and let's in Jack whose carrying a rose.) She's in the storage room; you have 5 minutes be quick. (They go in the back, then you show Grace looking around throw posters, Jack tiptoes in and sets a box he has with him down. Karen shuts the door and locks it. Grace turns around.)  
  
Grace. Who let you in here.(she yells) Karen; remind me to deduct your pay. (Karen yells back.)  
  
Karen. I'll try, but I warn you I have a bad memory now let him speak.  
  
Jack. Yea. Look, Grace. Here are some roses and chocolates. (Grace hits them out of his hands and on to the ground.) Look, I want to start off by saying, I was wrong but I'm not going to say I was sorry because I'm not. Grace, I truly loved being your boy friend and last night was a beautiful extra. Yes, I did get my memories back and yes, I lied that I got them back but I did it because I truly wanted to explore the feelings I have towards you as you said last night. You said that afterwards we could see were things could go from there. I think, you knew in your heart where things were going to go from there. Because sooner or later I was going to get my memories back and it would've been over.  
  
Grace. I know. I just would've never done it if I'd known.  
  
Jack. How do you know, we could've gotten drunk one day and explored again. I mean I loved exploring especially every little piece of you.  
  
Grace. Every little piece of me? Really.  
  
Jack. Even down to your (he whispers in her ear. She hits him girlishly.) You even made me want to be straight again.  
  
Grace. Really.  
  
Jack. Only if it makes you like me and Will better. (She laughs and hugs him.) Oh, I forgot.  
  
Grace. What?  
  
Jack. A present. (He picks up that box he sat down.) Open it. (Grace opens it and it's a music box with a ballerina on water, it looks like a beach.) It's you on our beach. Turn the crank. (It plays "Anywhere I Wonder".) May I have this dance?  
  
Grace. Yes. (They begin to dance. Then Karen opens the door and Will and her are standing there.)  
  
Will. Are we nicey nicey?  
  
Grace. Very much. (Then Will smiles and comes in.)  
  
Will. May I cut in?  
  
Grace. Sure. (Will begins to dance with Jack. Then Karen comes up to Grace with sad eyes. Grace rolls her eyes and begins to dance with Karen.)  
  
THE-END 


End file.
